


fine, we're damaged

by sxldato



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sickfic, Vomiting, and i don't know how that happened, once again i prove that my levels of disgusting know no bounds, probably, take this boy away from me, this is literally just a nico whump, this was supposed to just be gross but then it suddenly got sad at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2728868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxldato/pseuds/sxldato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico is sick and life is really hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fine, we're damaged

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's gross surprise it's me  
> title is from the song Seventeen in the musical _Heathers_

It was times like this that Nico longed for when his stomach was almost always empty.

He lay on his bed, curled up on his side with his arms folded tightly around his middle. He could feel his stomach gurgle under his hands and he tried his best to remember how to breathe. The room spun dizzyingly around him, forcing him to close his eyes to ease the vertigo.

He was falling in and out of a restless, illness-induced haze, only coming out of it to lean over the side of his bed and wait until the nausea died back down to a dull, persistent ache. He hadn’t thrown up yet, and he didn’t want to, but anything that could bring the slightest amount of relief was welcome at this point.

And that’s why he didn’t mind when Will Solace walked through the door. As embarrassing as this was, it was worse going through it alone.

“Nico?”

He groaned in response and felt the mattress dip down as Will sat beside him on the bed. He turned onto his back and muttered, “I think I caught the plague.”

“Large epidemics of plague haven’t occurred in the United States since the early 1900’s, and even _that_ was on the West coast. There have only been a few dozen individual cases since then,” Will said. “You don’t have the plague.”

Nico looked at Will with as much frustration as he could muster in his weakened state. “What are you even doing here?”

“What do you mean?” Will leaned over and began pressing kisses to Nico’s forehead and cheeks. “I can’t visit the guy I’ve got a massive crush on?”

Nico pushed Will away and pulled the sheets over his head. “You’re such an asshole.”

“You wound me.” Will tugged at the sheets until they came away to reveal Nico’s head. “You also look like garbage.”

“Thanks for stating the obvious.”

“No, really.” Will touched his palm to Nico’s forehead, waiting a few seconds before drawing away. “You’re burning up and you’re clammy as hell. What’s going on?”

“I told you,” Nico groaned, rolling back onto his side and fighting the mounting nausea. “I’ve caught the plague.”

“You aren’t even showing the symptoms of plague; quit being a baby and tell me what hurts.”

Nico opened his mouth to respond when a metallic taste flooded the back of his throat. He pulled himself to the edge of the mattress and let his head hang over the side as he retched into the trash bin he’d set next to his bed.  

“Oh, _Jesus_. Okay, okay.”

There was a shift of weight on the mattress and then Will was pressing his palm to Nico’s forehead, holding his head up. His other hand was on Nico’s back, following the trail of his spine. Nico’s entire body felt numb and blurred compared to the sharp pounding in his skull and the sting of acid in his mouth, but he could still feel Will’s fingers in every dip and curve of each one of his vertebrae.

Lying down was putting too much pressure on his stomach, so he shakily pushed himself onto his knees. He gagged fruitlessly, the strain of it causing veins to jut out from beneath his skin. A gut-wrenching sob pushed past the tightness in his throat and he clapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from making any more noise, but that only amounted to him dry heaving into his hand.

“Can you do me a huge favor?” Will asked. He had wrapped an arm around Nico’s waist, allowing Nico to lean into him. “And take some deep breaths? In through your nose and out through your mouth—if you don’t wanna open your mouth right now, though, that’s okay. Breathing in general should help with the pain.”

Nico clenched his jaw as tight as he could and inhaled sharply through his nose, exhaling unsteadily through his teeth.

“That’s it, there you go, you’re doing great. Just a few more for me, yeah?”

Nico did so, one or two hiccups punctuating his breathing every now and then.

“I wanna…” Nico swallowed and tried again. “I wanna lie down…”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Let me just…” Will helped guide him back down into the pillows, tugging the blanket out from underneath them and laying it over Nico’s trembling form. “Better?”

“Better.” Nico wiped a hand over his face and combed his hair out of his eyes. “Thank you, Will. I’m sorry I—“

“Do _not_ ,” Will said. “The amount of patients I have who apologize for being sick or injured is countless, and it does not stop being infuriating no matter how cute the patient is.”

Despite himself, Nico flushed red.

“It’s okay that you’re sick,” Will continued. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Just try and relax—that’s all you can do right now.”

Nico burrowed further into the blankets, drawing them up to his nose and silently cherishing the warmth that was slowly seeping into his bones. Whether that was from the blankets or from Will, Nico wasn’t sure.

Will glanced into the trashcan and his brows came together. “You haven’t thrown up anything.”

“Yeah.”

Will looked over at him, worry creasing his features. “Not even water?”

“I haven’t left my bed,” Nico explained weakly, feeling ashamed.

“You haven’t—“ Will put his face in his hands, groaning to himself. “Instead of smacking you for being fucking stupid, I’m gonna get you some water.”

As Will moved to stand, Nico wormed one of his arms out from beneath the blankets and grabbed Will’s hand.

“Wait,” he croaked. “Don’t go, please.”

Will leaned down and pressed a kiss to Nico’s forehead. “I’ll only be gone a second. I can keep talking the whole time so you can hear me, if you want.”

Nico nodded and fell back against the pillows with a low whimper as he watched Will quietly pad off to the bathroom.

“Your bathroom is one hell of a mess.”

Nico laughed hoarsely. “It’s not that bad,” he protested.

“Excuse me, but I’m the one in here right now and I’m saying it _is_ , in fact, _that_ bad.”

Nico could hear him rummaging around for a glass, and then the sound of running tap water.

“Should I trust this water? Judging by the general state of the bathroom itself, I feel like I shouldn’t.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

Will reappeared in the doorway, a glass of water in hand. “I don’t want you dying of cholera.”

“And you said _I_ was being overdramatic.”

Will walked back over, making sure not to spill any of the water, and knelt beside the bed. He reached up and tucked Nico’s hair out of his eyes, caressing his cheek with his thumb. “Can you sit up?”

Nico pushed himself up with his elbows and then his hands, the weight causing his arms to tremble underneath him. Once he was upright, he pressed a hand to his stomach, distress surfacing in his face. “That wasn’t a good idea…”

“Are you gonna throw up?” Will asked, already setting the glass on the nightstand and reaching for the waste bin.

Nico shrugged weakly. “I feel like I need to.” He paused and covered his mouth with his free hand to suppress a burp. “But I can’t.”

Will set the bin in Nico’s lap and took a seat on the bed next to him. “You just have to try and relax—I know it’s hard, because this has gotta hurt, but you have to try.”

Nico closed his eyes and leaned into Will, resting his head on his shoulder and breathing heavily. There was a light sheen of sweat on his brow and his whole body shook with chills.

“Maybe some water,” Nico mumbled. “So at least I can have something to bring up.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Will took the glass from the bedside table and wrapped Nico’s fingers around it. He watched nervously as Nico took hesitant sip after hesitant sip, keeping a firm hand on the back of Nico’s neck to steady him.

When the glass was half empty, Nico set it down next to the other edge of the mattress and resumed his earlier position of leaning against Will’s side.

“I think I was dehydrated,” he said. “Now I don’t feel _as_ bad…”

“That’s good,” Will said, smoothing Nico’s hair down and kissing the crown of his head. “You should get some sleep while your stomach lets you.”

Nico made a small noise in affirmation and lay back down, pulling Will along with him.

“So you want me to stay here, I’m guessing?” Will’s heart stuttered as Nico rested his head on his chest.

“You’re warm…” Nico reached for Will’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Makes me feel safe…”

Will was sure this was the fever talking and made a note to himself not to bring this up when Nico was feeling better. “Then I’ll stay.”

“How long?”

Will wrapped an arm around Nico, pulling him in closer. “As long as you want.”

-

In Tartarus, there was fire everywhere.

Flames replaced the shadows that normally licked at his ankles and sent scorching pain racing up his body. He tripped on the burning stone ground, scraping his hands and knees. Blood streaked the rock and the metallic smell combined with the heat made it hard to breathe.

Monsters were swarming him, scaled tails twisting around him and razor-sharp claws cutting through his flesh like butter, and it was smoke that leaked from the wounds this time, not blood. He looked down at his bruised, raw hands and felt his heart come to a complete stop when he saw the ground through them.

He was losing his shape, fading into subspace like he almost had before.

Nico tried to push himself off his knees with his hands; he wanted to get out of here, he needed to escape, people needed _him_ right now. But his fingers waved right through the stone, and suddenly he fell through entirely, encompassed in nothing but darkness and the never-ending feeling of falling.

He only hit the ground when his eyes shot open, his mind slamming back into his body. For a moment he was confused, disoriented, but then that same crushing heat from his dream washed over him and he realized he was about to be sick. He made a pained noise and struggled to sit up, waking Will in the process.

“Nico…?” Will asked, worry still finding its way into his sleepy tone. “What’s going on, what’s wrong?”

“I’m gonna puke,” Nico moaned, a gag pushing past his throat at the end of his sentence.

It took all of one second for Will to react.

“Oh, oh shit, okay, try and hold on—“ He grabbed the trash can from his side of the bed and sat it in front of Nico for the second time that day. His palm nervously skittered across Nico’s back; his other hand holding the bin steady while Nico hung his head over it.

Nico coughed wetly and retched, saliva dripping from his lips. His shoulders hunched up to his ears and Will thought maybe this was it, that it was going to happen now and then Nico wouldn’t feel so terrible. But all that came up was air, and Nico was left choking and gasping for breath over the bin.

“You’re okay,” Will said, never removing his hand from Nico’s back. “You’re okay, it’s okay.”

“It hurts,” Nico managed. He was breathing heavily, fighting another wave of nausea. “It won’t… it’s not coming out…”

“What do you want me to do?” Will asked gently.

Nico looked up at him through curtains of his damp, dark hair. Some of it was plastered to his forehead from sweat, and his eyes were glassy. “Make it stop,” he whimpered. “You’re a healer, just make it stop, _please_ , I can’t—“

“Shh.” Will kissed Nico’s temple and shifted his hand that was on Nico’s back to wrap around him and rest on his stomach, beginning to rub back and forth soothingly. “You can’t rile yourself up like that; it’ll just make you feel worse.”

Nico made a strangled sort of noise and some of the water he’d drank trickled into the bin. “You gotta do something,” he panted. “ _Any_ thing.”

“Injuries are what I’m good with, not illness. But I’ll try my best, I promise.”

Will moved so he was facing perpendicular to Nico and rested his head in the dip between Nico’s shoulder and neck. Nico could hear him reciting something, caught a few words in Greek but the Latin that intermingled with it made it hard to understand, and he decided to just focus on the low hum of Will’s voice, relief spilling into him like water.

_Fuck._

Nico’s stomach gurgled beneath Will’s fingertips and lurched into his throat, causing Nico to pitch forward and finally vomit into the trashcan. The water helped bring up some of what he’d eaten the night before, but it was thin and acidic and burned on its way out. He retched again, but this time there really was nothing left, and after a moment or two his stomach settled.

Will’s soft, incoherent words had never ceased, although the hand on Nico’s stomach had moved back to his spine when Nico got sick, rubbing up and down comfortingly. He stopped after Nico tipped the waste bin slightly so he wouldn’t have to see the mess inside, and kissed Nico’s jawline.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not completely terrible anymore, I think.” Nico wiped his mouth on the back of his wrist, having lost any concern he’d had for basic cleanliness. “Still feeling kind of queasy…”

“Hopefully that’ll go away in a bit, if what I did worked the way I wanted it to,” Will said. He took the trash from Nico and set it back down on the floor. Nico stayed upright, slightly hunched over, taking deep breaths and looking exhausted.

Will wrapped him in a gentle embrace and ran his fingers through his hair. “See? You’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“Yeah, you’re okay.”

“Will.” Nico looked at him again, his dark eyes bloodshot and rimmed with red. “I don’t think I’ve been okay since my mother was killed. And that was seventy years ago.”

“Would I be stupid to think I can help you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He pulled out of Will’s arms, leaning back into the mound of pillows and pulling his legs up to his chest. “Sometimes I can’t feel it, sometimes I can pretend that I haven’t gone through any of the shit I went through, and then…” He shrugged weakly. “Sometimes it feels like it’s in my veins. And there’s no way to escape what’s in your blood.”

“The trick is to not letting it define who you are.” Will scooted closer, putting his hand on top of Nico’s. “You’re so much more than what’s in your blood, or whatever’s making your brain go dark, or who your family is. Those things are pre-determined parts of you, things the Fates have decided. Those things are out of your control, in your genetics, in every strand of your DNA. That’s _part_ of you, but that’s not _who_ you are. You can’t let it be.”

Nico was looking lost and feverish, so Will flopped over the mattress and retrieved the glass of water from the floor. He set the glass in Nico’s hands and kissed Nico’s cheek, then the tip of his nose, which made Nico smile a little, and then his mouth. Will’s lips felt cool against Nico’s fevered skin, and Nico reached up to knot his fingers through the hair on the back of Will’s head, keeping him close, keeping _himself_ safe.

"You’re an idiot,” Nico told him, “and you’re gonna get sick now, too.”

“Then you’ll just have to take care of me when that happens,” Will suggested.

"You really think I have the competence to do that?” Nico asked, taking cautious sips of the water.

“I guess we’re gonna find out.” Will sank back into the pillows next to Nico and set the glass on the nightstand when Nico was finished. “Get some more sleep, okay?”

“… Okay.”

Nico shifted until he was buried under the covers, nestled between Will’s arm and his chest. “Hey, Will?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t take it personally, you know? The whole thing—“

“I understand, Nico. It’s alright.”

“It’s hard. Things as simple as the dark and locked doors can make me lose my mind and I _hate_ it. I hate feeling so scared all the time. I hate feeling so vulnerable.”

Will held him tighter and kissed the crown of his head. “You have people who are trying their best to keep your safe, just remember that.”

“But I shouldn’t need to be protected anymore.” Nico pushed himself up so he could meet Will’s eyes. “ _That’s_ what you don’t understand. I should be able to look out for myself; that should be enough.”

“Nico, we’re kids,” Will said forcefully. “We shouldn’t have to be looking out for ourselves at all, and it’s bullshit that we have to. This is all bullshit. And the fact that you of all people have gone through more than any of us makes me so angry and so doubtful of whether anything in this world is truly fair, because you didn’t deserve any of that.”

“You said it yourself, the Fates have it all lined up.”

“That didn’t mean I think what they do is okay. _Fuck_ them. Fuck them for doing this to you. Fuck them for doing this to all of us.”

Nico hadn’t realized tears had built up in his eyes until they were rolling down his cheeks, and Will’s expression softened.

“Oh, gods.” Will took Nico’s face in his hands and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. ”Please don’t cry, Nico. I didn’t mean to make you upset, I’m sorry—“

“You didn’t make me upset,” Nico managed, moving Will’s hands away from his face and in between the two of them, threading their fingers together. “It’s just that no one’s ever gotten that angry for me. _At_ me, maybe, but not _for_ me.”

“Why would anyone be angry at you?”

Nico laughed, but it wasn’t genuine. It was bitter and tired, and it made Will’s heart hurt.

“Believe it or not, I’ve made some pretty bad choices,” Nico said, staring at their intertwined hands. “And I let them define who I was for a really, really long time.” Nico looked up at Will; the tears had stopped, but his cheeks were still wet and his eyes were still shining. “And I let other people define me by the choices I made because I agreed with them. I thought I was a bad person.”

“Do you still think that now?” Will’s tone was desperate, like he was praying Nico would say no.

“I don’t know,” he answered. He was starting to look pale and shaky again, but Will didn’t think it was because he was sick this time. “I don’t know what to think about anything anymore.”

“Okay, come here.” Will drew Nico close to his chest and held him there, cradling him in his lap. “It’s gonna be alright, someday it’s all gonna be fine. And I’m gonna fight tooth and nail for you to make sure you’re there to see that day, I promise.”

“I’m gonna fight for you, too,” Nico murmured, his voice muffled against the fabric of Will’s shirt. “I’m good at that—fighting for other people and stuff.”

Will smiled. “I know you are.” He started rubbing small circles into Nico’s back. “You’re so brave, Nico. You gotta know that, you’re so fucking brave.”

“I don’t want to be brave anymore.” Nico closed his eyes. “I want to sleep.”

“We can make that happen.”

Will slowly sank back into the pillows, taking Nico with him. Nico shifted so he was flush against Will’s side instead of on top of him and pulled the blankets up to cover them both.

“Just stay here with me, please...”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Will said.

They stayed like that for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> _Yeah we’re damaged,_   
> _Badly damaged_   
> _But your love’s too good to lose_   
> _Hold me tighter_   
> _Even closer_   
> _I’ll stay if I’m what you choose_


End file.
